Reckless
by LOSTrocker
Summary: After Cas falls, he falls even deeper into depression after he becoms human. He drowns himself in booze, pops pills, and the last person he thought save him does: Sam. Set S5. Fallen!Cas. Concerned!Sam. PissedOff!Dean
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I'm going to take my turn on a fallen!Cas fic since I finally got to see him actually fall with Season 5. Warning guys, this one can get very dark and touchy with subjects as suicide, drugs, drinking... Reason why the rating is up so high just to be safe. This may end up a Sam/Cas but for the moment they are friends here.

**Reckless: **

By: LOSTrocker

**Chapter One**

Sam has been hovering over him ever since he came home. Now, he understands the meaning of personal space, and Cas tries to apologize to Dean now, but Dean is avoiding him, and he doesn't blame him for it.

"Sam," Cas pleads.

"Forget it Cas, I'm not going anywhere."

"I just have to go to the bathroom," Cas hates to admit that because he doesn't like this part of being human. He finds it disgusting.

"Nothing I haven't seen before," Sam reminds him.

"I'm a big boy Sam, I can do this." or at least, he thinks he can. Cas has been practicing and he has the jest down by now.

"They're razors in there,"

Cas sighs, and has no choice but to let Sam follow him into the downstairs bathroom of Bobby's house.

"Can you at least turn around?" Cas tries and fails.

"No."

And Sammy doesn't either. He stands his ground as he watches Cas unzip, pull down his pants, and underwear so he call pull it out and take a leak. Sammy is at least nice enough to make sure his eyes don't travel to far down.

It's humiliating as Hell. Then again, he supposes this is what he gets. The bandages on his right and left wrists are the constant reminders of what he done, and dammit if Sammy haven't been the one to find him.

Cas is quiet as he finishes up his business, pulls up everything so he's decent again before going to the sink to wash up. Sam is right, there are razors in here. The one on the sink is tempting him, just like knives that Dean had given him for protection. Funny how topsey turvy that ended up going. The one gift that Dean had given him ended up being a weapon on his self.

"Don't even think about it." Sammy warns him and takes the razor. He's starting to wonder if he shouldn't go through out the whole house, and hide everything that is sharp. The problem is: this is Bobby's house, and there are more sharp objects here then one can keep up. The worst part of it is, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't hide them. They were hunters. They needed them.

A few minutes later, they're both in the kitchen. Sammy goes about making lunch. Cas is at the table nursing a beer, slowly.

"What are you in the mode for?" Sam questions. Since it's just them for the time being lunch can be easy and simple.

"Do what ever you want, I don't want anything."

Sam sighs. "Dude. You. Have. To. Eat." he urges. "You're human."

Cas doesn't need the reminder. He knows and it sucks. The former Angel thought he would be able to handle it all for Dean's sake but the truth was now that he was human, he didn't want to be. He felt small, powerless. He can't help the boys as much as he could in this state.

Cas goes quiet. Sam ignores that small silent treatment and makes him lunch anyway. Today's menu includes PBJ with the crusts cut off (because old habits die hard), some chips, and Sam replaces that beer that Cas has been drinking with milk.

The silent treatment goes well into lunch. Well, Sam is the only one eating, and don't think he doesn't notice that. "Cas, come on," Sam pleads with him. He pulls out those puppy dog eyes.

For a split second, Cas begins to cave. With that one look, Sammy can bring anyone down under their power. Then leave it to Dean to break the tension and enters with Bobby coming up behind him. They've both come back from the hunt and by the looks of them covered in mud, muck, and blood things had gone well.

Dean pretends not to notice Cas as he walks in but he can't help but notice how full his plate his while his baby brother's is nearly gone.

"Make any fer us?" Dean asks Sammy.

"If you called I could have."

"Well, we would've loved to drop ya a line an all Sam but we were kind out of reception. Y'know, middle of a swam in New Orleans. Idjit."

Sam laughs. "Missed you too Bobby,"

"Someone can have mine." Cas suggests as he gets up, and without thanking Sam he takes his leave.

"How's he doin'?" Bobby questions Sam.

"How do ya think?" spats Dean as he helps himself to Cas' chips. Bobby glares at him. "What? He's not gonna to eat it anyway."

"Dean," Sammy warns him. "We've talked about this."

Dean wasn't getting this. They were all fussing at him because all he wanted to do was throttle Cas into the nearest brick wall for what he did. Why didn't they see that Cas needed the fussing at? Not him.

"Whatever. I call shower." Dean dashed out before Bobby could.

Bobby lets the boy at it. He'd rather let him shower first anyway. He just hoped he had some hot water left.

There is some hot water left by the time Cas gets to it. This part about being human, he likes. The water is very soothing. There's an old saying that water washes the sins away. He doubts that. Still, it feels good on his tense body, relaxing his bones some. He winces as the soap gets into cuts. They are very fresh.

"You okay in there?" Sammy asks him through the closed curtain.

Cas is at least thankful that Sam will let him have the curtain closed. "Yeah,"

Sam took care of any razors that was in there before Cas got in. Sometimes Dean's lady friends would leave a razor or two behind. "Are you sure?" Sam asks. Better safe then sorry.

Cas turned off the water. Before stepping out, he grabbed the towel, dried off some in the shower before wrapping it around his waist. Then pulled the curtain back so he could step over the rim of the tub.

Sammy let his eyes gaze travel up and down the former Angel. He wasn't doing that to be a pervert. He wasn't Dean. He just couldn't help but notice how thin and fragile he was becoming these days. Add the paleness to it and it made him shiver slightly. Sam could easily blame Cas for not taking care of Jimmy like he should have but somehow he doubted that Jim would let him go like that. Sam had to wonder just how long Cas has been doing this to himself. He was oddly strange as it was so it wasn't his fault that he didn't catch the oddity sooner.

Cas dresses in silent, he just tosses on some sweats. He has to replace the old bandages with new ones.

"Let me help you," Sammy offers and gets what he needs. Cas isn't really familiar with them. He's use to Touch and Go to Heal. After Sam gets the first aid kit out, he's ready to get Cas taken care of. The wounds aren't deep, but they were long. With his thumb pad, Sam gently rubs the around Cas' right scar. "Jesus Cas,"

Cas can't bring himself to look him in the eye. He just lets him be and wraps him up without saying a word himself.

"You're not sleeping with me to are you?" Cas is learning his sarcasm from Dean and all ready Sammy can see what a bad influence Dean is being.

"No," Sam answers him by grabbing a chair and pulling it up next to Castiel's bed side. "I'm going to keep a close watch over you though."

Cas rolls his eyes. Once again, Dean has proven to be right. Having someone watching over you while you sleep is just a creppy idea. At any rate, he gets himself comfortable under the blankets. He grumbles a good night Sam's way before turning on to his side, shuts his eyes and wills himself to sleep.

There is a comfort to Castiel's breathing. Sammy can't put his finger on why. It just is. Maybe because it's simply that: he is. Sam doesn't even want to consider what would have happened if he hadn't found when he did...

Sam jumps slightly when feels his brother hand on his shoulder. "Shifts over Sammy. My turn."

It's what they agreed to do in the first place. Sam is hesitant though. He can see that anger in Dean's eyes. He can see that Dean is a time bomb ready to go off on Castiel at any moment and he just couldn't do that. Sometime much later, sure, but not right now. It's not what Cas needs. Sammy tries to warn Dean with his eyes but Dean gives him that swift nod of his head to telling to get the Hell out. Sam wants to fight, ask if he can stay longer with Cas. Also play referee if Dean does go off on him.

"Sam," Dean orders. He doesn't want to play push and shove with his brother. He wants to use that all on the idjit Angel on the bed who decided it would be a good idea to kill himself.

Sam sighs and leaves Dean alone with Cas.

**TBC... **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the response so far for this fic. I was a little nervous because I know this has been done so many times before. I just wanted to take my turn at it because Cas is one of my favorite characters. He's so awesomely tragic, and I have a soft spot for human!Cas as well. I just feel bad because well with Cas human that means no Jimmy. I'll make it up to Jimbo later though. **

**Chapter Two**

Cas really didn't like it when it was Dean's turn. If he thought Sammy was bad, Dean was just as worse. Dean was all over his ass, especially when Cas was taking the pills that the doctors had prescribed to him.

"Would you rather me not take them at all?" Cas asks Dean.

"Ya think." answers Dean.

Cas pops them like candy, without any water. Dean has a future flashback, remembers how Cas turns out in 2014 and he doesn't like it. He never did ask that sonabitch when it all started. He can't help but wonder if it had started now. His future self never told Cas to stop. It wouldn't have done any good. That Cas and That Dean lost what ever they had here. They didn't bother to listen to one another anymore, just exchange sarcastic retorts to see which one came out the biggest asshole. Right now, in this particular moment, Dean had a feeling that he would come out winning this time.

"I have to take these," Cas reminds him. "Dr. Gamble said I have to take four a day."

"I don't give a flyin' fuck what Dr. Gamble told ya!" Dean spats at him.

That ticking time bomb is about to go off. Dean can feel it coming. "If I don't Dean, it won't get any better." Cas informs him as he puts his pill back with the rest of them in the medicine cabinet.

"Yeah, it will get worse!" Dean yells at him.

Dean never told him about what he saw in the future. All he could say when he got back was: "Don't ever change." He thought that would have been enough, but it's not.

This is the one that bugs the shit out of Cas. Dean always thinks he's fucking right. "Dean, you don't-" Cas tries, but Dean doesn't let him get any further than that.

When he was an Angel, he could catch Dean move before he did. He needed that just in case if Dean did something stupid. Now, he can't, and it sucks because Dean has him pinned island in Bobby's kitchen.

"I do know God dammit!" Dean curses at him, his hands tight around Castiel's shirt collar. The best part of all this is with him being human he can actually beat the shit out of him without the pain.

"Get. Off." Cas tries his best to shove Dean's weight off him, but it's useless, like everything else these days gone by. He's no longer stronger than his charge.

"No," Dean argues and slams into the edge of the island.

It hurts because the island is digging into his back. That will leave a bruise later. Oh well, it will just add on to the rest of them. Cas casts his eyes downward even these blue eyes of his no longer have the stronghold as they once did.

"Ya sonabitch, ya better look at me," Dean's hazel eyes have the power now, they draw up Castiel's blue ones. "Ya say I don't know, but I do. Fuck. I wish I didn't!" Dean yells at him. "Cas, what ever doin', ya need to stop. Now!"

Cas just laughs at him like he's the bad end of a very stupid joke. "You think it's that easy, don't you?" he asks of him. "You think I can just turn these fucking emotions off like a switch?" he laughs again. "I can't Dean, I'm not like you!" he spats. "I don't know how to control these damned things in the first place!"

Emotions are new Cas, Dean will at least give him that consideration. Still, it's no excuse. Then it hits Dean. The realization what The Devil had told him. What ever he did, it would come to pass in some sort of way... He can't help Cas. Damned if does, damned if I do as Def Lepp sang once. It hits him with such a force that it causes him to stumble backwards.

"Ya'know what, fine. Do what ever the Hell ya I want." Dean declares in such a cold tone that it makes Cas shiver. He doesn't like to see Dean like this. Never has. However, what makes this time different from all the others is that this time: it's his fault.

Dean left a few minutes after that, leaving Cas alone. He's known loneliness before, but nothing like this. With Dean, he was sure there would be someone there to catch him when he fell, and he was literary, but now, its as if there is no one.

On the road, Bobby can't help but notice how urgent Sammy is to get home. "Where's the fire Sam?"

Sam's the one behind the wheel. "I just don't like the idea of Dean being alone with Cas right now. I think it was a bad idea to leave those two alone with each other."

Bobby sighs.

"What?"

"I can see what yer doin' here kiddo, but the truth is if Dean opens a can a whoop ass on that Angel friend of yers then he's bringin' it on himself."

"I can't believe what you're saying Bobby," Sam retorts. Then again, this was the same man who helped Dean put him in the panic room. "Am I the only one who cares for Cas right now?"

"I ain't sayin' I'm not, and ya should know better than to think that," Bobby points a warning finger his way. Hell, if anything Cas has become like another son to him, Angel or no Angel.

Sam grips his hands tight around the wheel. They don't get it. They don't understand what Cas is going through. He does.

The rest of the way back was silent.

"Cas?" Sammy questions when he enters Bobby's house.

He doesn't like the silence that answers him back. It's eerie, like before... "Cas!"

Bobby follows him. It was also too quiet for his liking. "Where's Dean?"

"He's not here."

Sam is relieved when he finds Cas in the entrance way.

"Ain't he suppose to be watchin' ya?" Bobby asks him.

"Yup."

Sam sees that he has a beer in his hand and it's almost empty. Sammy exchanges a worried look with Bobby. Dean was pissed off and off somewhere. That's probably a good idea. At least, Sammy thinks so. Bobby doesn't.

"I'm goin' see where that idjit has gone off to." he declares and goes to pull out his cell to find his oldest. He goes off to give some alone time for Sam and Cas.

"How long have you been by yourself?" Sam demands.

Cas shrugs. "A couple of hours, give or take."

Sam doesn't like that answer. That's more enough time to do anything, and Sam searches with his eyes to see if there are any new cuts anywhere on Cas. It's hard to tell because now Cas has long sleeves. Damn winter.

"I didn't do anything," Cas assures him but he doubts that Sammy will believe him. Which he doesn't.

"I want to check," Sam demands.

Cas doesn't get a chance to argue. Sam gives him a full out body search. It's humiliating but what else is new? "I told you," Cas says once Sam is done and he pulls back on his shirt.

"I just wanted to make sure," Sam tells him.

"Feel better,"

Sam nods.

"At least one of us does." Cas replies, and tosses the beer he's finished only to get another one.

"Um, Cas..." Sam isn't sure that's a good idea.

Cas only response is: "Want one?"

It's dark by the time Dean comes home, he's drunk, and Sammy is the one waiting for him. Bobby has Cas covered. "Where the Hell have you been?"

"Out." he stumbles forward, Sam catching him.

"I can see that." he shakes his head and tosses his ass into the nearest chair.

"Why ya gotta be so rough with me Sammy?" he asks with a hiccup.

"You were suppose to be here." Sam reminds him. "Watching out for Cas!"

"Well, coulda, woulda, shoulda,"

"Oh, I'll coulda, woulda, shoulda," Sam threats with a balled fist towards his big brother's direction. The only reason why he's not is because the sonabitch is drunk. "Do you have any idea what could have happened to him in the time you weren't here?" With that said out loud, Sam was stupid for only checking for cut marks. As soon as he was done with Dean he was so going to check up on Castiel's pills. Cas had no idea that he was keeping up with him behind his back. As for now, Cas was doing as the doctor said so.

Dean shrugs like he doesn't care, which deep down, past all the booze, he does. That makes it hurt worse, but what Sammy doesn't understand is that they can't do anything. It's only going to get worse from here on out. What's the point? He's all ready failed Cas.

"What aren't you telling me Dean?" Sam demands, catching those hazel eyes that are filled with guilt and blame. He's seen that look before. In fact, he's seen that a lot since Dean took that Back to the Future trip with Zachariah. He hadn't said much, just kept Cas within arms length.

"It doesn't matter." Dean spats at him.

"The Hell it doesn't! If has something to do with Cas, it does!" corrects Sam.

That's when Dean laughs. "It really doesn't."

Sam wasn't finding any of this funny.

"Talk 'bout the blind leadin' the visually challenged." continues Dean, closing his eyes. He hopes that will get his world to stand still.

Sam crosses his arms. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"Ya, baby brother," Dean points at him, opening his eyes. "Couldn't save ya, and guess what we can't save Cassie either," Then that's when Dean lets the cat out of the bag, and shares with Sam what he saw in 2014.

So, that's why Dean had been acting so odd around Cas of late. Now, he understands. He sighs, goes to his brother on bended knees. "The past is done with Dean. We can't do nothing about that, but the future we can." he shakes his head. "You don't know how true that future will turn out to be. Zacharia was dick. He was probably trying to scare you and by the looks of it, he's done it. Don't let that jerk off win, and don't give up on Cas so easily either. He's a lot stronger than anyone or himself is giving credit for."

This why Sam was one Hell of a baby brother. Not only did not forget the pie, but one look of those puppy dog eyes and words of encourage. Dammit at all if he didn't believe him. Sam was good at giving people hope, even him.

After his brother was taken care of and in bed, Sammy went back down to check up on Castiel's candy store. His eyes went wide with worry as he what feared came to pass: there were more than a few pills missing.

**TBC... **

**A/N: **Two things. One: Guess who I named Dr. Gamble after. Hum... LOL! Had to do it because Sera Gamble is my hero and wanted to name a character after her even if it was only a mention of thing. Two: "Talk about the blind leading the visually challenged." Is a Methos quote from Highlander. Had to borrow it because its one of my favorites.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **I wanted to get one more chapter in before I had to go to work. I don't have any internet at home so don't expect an updat until Monday. I'll make up for lost time then. That's why I'm so taking my compy home to work on some more chapters over the weekend. Until then Happy Supernatural Freaky Friday!

**Chapter Three**

Sam jumps when his cell rings.

Damn.

What time was it?

Sam glances over to the nightstand. It's almost three in the morning. He rubs his eyes and all ready kicking himself for dozing off. After his eyes come more into focus and adjust in the darkness that surround him, he sees that Cas is no where to be seen.

Shitshitshit!

The younger, Well, middle Winchester now, stood up and looked frantically for Cas. He could have stepped into the bathroom, or go downstairs for something. He pulls out his cell in the process.

"What?" he doesn't mean to sound harsh, he's panicking at the moment. Whomever was on the other line would have to deal. If he had paid attention to the ring tone he would have noticed it was Ellen.

"Watch that tone with me Sam,"

"Ellen?"

Right. So, Roadhouse. First he thinks its Dean. Dean has been known to wonder there from time to time to get drunk and try to flirt with Jo when Ellen wasn't looking. However, Ellen clears his worry with that and sets up just for more.

"You better git yer tall butt down here. Yer friend Cas is causin' a ruckus in my bar!"

"Thanks Ellen," Sam replies and hangs up.

He pulls on the flannel shirt, and jeans he had on that day. Then goes to get Dean. Why did he have a bad habit of losing Cas? Okay, technically the first go round it was Jimmy, either way blame would go on him for losing him.

Normally, Dean would find it funny or try to beat the shit out of Sammy for trying to get him up this early but this is Cas, and that's all that matters. They jump in the Impala and don't speak a word until Dean leads the way up to the Roadhouse.

"I want you to get Cas out. I'll catch up with ya."

"No way,"

Dammit. Why did his brother have to be so freaking difficult?

"Oh Hell," Dean curses and behind him, Sammy can see what he's cursing about.

Cas looks like Jack Norrington did in Pirates 2 when he was down and out in that bar with a pissed off crowd around him.

"Dean!" Jo comes running over.

"What happened?"

"I don't know," Jo answers and she shoves the crowd off, trying to get to Cas. "I didn't even think yer friend drank. Much."

"He doesn't. Usually." Sammy pipes up.

"Winchester, yer such a bad influence!" Jo blames Dean for all this.

"It ain't my fault Jo!" Dean argues.

Sam rolls his eyes. He doesn't have time for their bickering. Hell, they sound like an old married couple. Sam wonders why they don't just get hitched all ready. Save everyone the trouble of placing the bets and losing money. He pushes ahead of them. (That's Bobby and Rufus' doing fuck you very much boys).

Cas is at the center of it all. He doesn't remember much. He'd been perfectly content drinking away at the bar. Then the next two, maybe three big ass dudes were trying to rip his ass to shreds. At this point, he really doesn't care if he goes down here. Cas world is spinning, and he's dizzy. He doesn't feel so well, and that's what he does. He goes down, not by anyone else's blow but his own.

"CAS!" Sammy cries out and catches him just in time before the former Angel can hit the floor.

"Aww, ain't this sweet. Look what we got here boys!" The biggest one of the bunch gloats with open arms.

Ellen is so done from watching. She'd only taken a few minutes to call the boys. Jo was handling it pretty well. She smirked. Now, it was her turn. Ellen got one of her shot guns from under the bar, jumps over it and heads into the center where Sam is holding the unconscious Cas.

"Mom?" Jo asks.

"I got this one baby girl." she says. "Dean, get yer lot outta here. We got it from here."

"Are ya sure?"

"Oh yeah," she answers and cocks the gun towards the large men. They step back. "Now, are ya boys goin' to behave are am I goin' to have to call yer mommas?"

They give Dean room enough so he can scoop up Cas. "I got him Sam." he assures his baby brother whose been cradling Cas protectively all the while. He lets Dean get him.

"Jo, help them." Ellen insists with a swift of her head and for once Jo does as told.

Jo is the one who opens the back door of the Impala so Sammy can climb in first. He gets himself comfortable behind the wheel. Meanwhile, Dean is careful as he hands over Cas to Sammy. Then shuts the door behind him.

Jo follows him to his side. "Call me. Let me know if Cas is 'kay."

"Will do." Jo shuts the door for him after he slips in. She steps back so he can get back on the road to Bobby's. (She is surprised when he actually does a few days later).

In the back, Sammy is quiet as he doesn't take his eyes off of Cas. Damn. His face will be swollen tomorrow, and probably a few other places by the looks of it. The fresh blood Sam all ready took care. His shirt will be stained but he doesn't care. At least, Cas face won't.

"Watch his head Dean," Sammy instructs as helps his big brother ease Cas out of the backseat.

Dean does. He's concerned that he hasn't woke up yet, nor is by the time they get him into Bobby's, and settled down in his room. "Try to git his ass up." Bobby orders him.

"Come on," Sam tries first, and shakes him. "Dammit. Cas. Wake up."

When that doesn't work, Dean improvises and gets a cup full of water and tosses it on him. That does something because Cas jolts up, spitting out water with a mixture of blood. It doesn't take much longer after that until he's puking up more than blood and water.

Cas thinks he's drowning now, and he wishes he would just sink all ready. His damn body argues with him and makes him jolt up. He's coughing everything up. The iron taste that comes along means that there was some damage done to him but not as much as he hoped for.

"Unless ya idjits want to spend tomorrow mornin' cleanin' up, I suggest a trashcan." Bobby suggests and Dean does as told leaving Sam alone with Cas, rubbing his back urging him to don't worry and just let out.

**TBC...**

**A/N: (continued): **Can someone tell me why in the world am I writing Dean straight and more importantly hints of Jo/Dean. Oh yeah, because now I like her. Great. Dammit. I honestly didn't think I could write anymore straight fanfiction. Uh. Who knew? Wonders never cease.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: ** I know I said I would update on Monday but IRL has kicked me in the ass, giving me overtime at work. Ten hour shifts for both Monday and Tuesday. I'm updating when I can. Wednesday I'm off. So more will come then. I'm taking out all my stress on Cas.

**Chapter Four**

Sam found out quick that Cas can not hold his liquor. He's up with him all night, cleaning and changing everything from the trash cans that Bobby can spare and the blankets. Sammy would love to blame all the alcohol for this but he knows it's not just that. There is so much more that is making Cas sick, and to be honest, Sam isn't feel to great about all this because dammit all to Hell if he knows there is really nothing he can do but be there for the former Angel of the Lord.

Cas finally knocks out around three in the AM. Sam knows there is really no point in going back to sleep because Cas probably will be up soon. He does go down to the kitchen to make some nedded coffee.

"How is he?" It looks like someone has all ready beaten him to the punch.

Sam shakes his head at Dean. "Out, for now."

"Good."

"What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep." Dean answers.

"Worried about Cas?"

Dean shakes his head.

Sam wonders if he should tell his big brother about the pills. He'll find out anyway, better from him then the new pill popper in the guest room. Sammy goes to the cabinets and pulls out Castiel's meds. He tosses them Dean. By the look of it, Sam can see that Dean all ready knows. He shakes the few that are left in there.

"I have the nerve to chuck this things down the drain." Dean tells Sam.

Sam goes to the coffee pot to see that Dean has some fresh. He needs a cup, or two or three for that matter. Sam helps himself and asks Dean if he needs another. Dean turns him down politely. "Nah, thanks. Finish it if ya like."

That's dually noted as he takes a sip.

Dean examines the pill bottle in his hand and wonders out loud if these damn things are actually helping Cas. Sam shrugs.

"I tell ya, we'll let him finish these, but I'm not taking him to 'em refilled." declares Dean. "Don't want ya are Bobby to either."

"Then what do you think we should do?" Sammy questions. "Want to dry him out because you know, that worked out so well for me."

Dean glares at him. "That's different! Cas isn't on demon blood!"

"He mine as well be Dean!" Sam sighs. He knows what it's like, Dean has no fucking clue. Oh, he can guess but he doesn't know the half of it.

There is an awkward silence that comes between them. It always does when that subject comes about.

"Al'right then genius," Dean calls his baby brother out. "If ya think ya know anythin' better. Then give a shot."

Dean tosses him back the pill bottle and puts his cup in the sink before storming out.

Sam sighs. He can't finish his coffee. He dumps it go back and check on Cas.

Cas, who was once again up, but not puking up his lungs had heard them. When Sammy and Dean fight. They can yell it out. Bobby has long past finished fussing at them for keeping it down. It doesn't matter. Not in the house.

Sam sees that former Angel awake. He rushes to his side. "You're awake." he pauses. "How are you feeling?" It's a dump question, still worth asking though.

Cas doesn't ask because he doesn't know how to. There is really no point bullshitting with Sammy. He's the smart one for a reason. Dean is of course smart too, but in a different sense. Far from Sam's intelligence.

Sam gives him a small smirk. "Silent treatment. Okay." Sam gets comfortable once again in his chair that's placed beside Castiel's bed.

Cas wonders just how long he's been there. He can't remember much. Everything is dull and hazy. His world is still slightly spinning. It's picking up speed again. Just when he thinks he can take a break from throwing up his lungs, it goes again. Punishment for being a jerk.

Sam can see it coming to and he grabs the trash can just in time. Unfortunately, it's not enough to keep what Cas has coming up.

In his room, Dean is trying to sulk, that's hard to do when Cas is puking. Yeah, it's that's loud. Judging by the sound of it, the break that Sam thought he had was over. Dean could do one or two things here: he can be a little bitch and whine and moan about how Cas is bringing it on to himself or he can actually get off his ass and do something to help because by the way his future self was, there was a whole lot of lack there of.

Back in Cas' room, Sammy is trying his best to get Cas to the bathroom without worrying about the mess that's trailing behind him.

"Need help?"

Sam is thankful when he hears his big brother's voice and not applause. Sam gets Cas to the bathroom and Dean starts cleaning up after him. He's dealt enough with a sick Sammy most of his life where puke, piss, and shit just doesn't bother him. He doesn't just take care of the mess on the floor, while he's add he figures it's time to change those sheets too.

Cas is leaning against the tub. It's close to the toilet if he has to chunk up again. He's holding his stomach. It hurts as well as everything else. He couldn't figure out why when one thing hurt it ended up being a chain reaction? He was slowly, not surly getting to know this body. Cas missed Jimmy. He helped him understand things a lot better with this vessel then Sam or Dean couldn't

Sam wants to give him something but with the pills that are all ready in his system, he can't. Which is why he brings its up.

"I know about the pills Cas,"

Cas turns away from. Shrugs. Doesn't really matter.

Sammy has noticed that after he fell, Cas has become quieter than he usually is. If Sam had never met the guy before he would have sworn he was mute. Sam hates to push, really he does because it doesn't help in the long run. He can rank that up from years of experience with Dean. It only pushes the other person deeper into the what ever dark place they've ever been.

"You know we can't give you anything to help until it cleans out of your system right?"

Cas turns back to him. "No, I don't know, fuck you very much or have you forgotten that I am not costumed to your ways!"

Sam winces at the former Angel's harsh words because they ring true. Cas has been around a long time. Still, he's never really done anything but observe. Hell, they've all ready had to teach him how to sleep, and on more than one occasion how to take a piss. That was fun. Sammy let Dean handle that one. They haven't really sat down with him to give him a full course on how to be human. It's not like they have the time.

"Cas, I'm sorry," Sammy can only apologize.

That's when he hangs his head. "You should have just left me Samuel."

Sammy's out raged but only because he's thinking of something else. The incident at the Roadhouse. "I wasn't going to leave you to get pounded by a bunch of drunk doughebags Cas!"

Cas gives him a chuckle. "That's not what I mean."

Then it clicks.

Until now, Sammy has remained calmed, stuck by his side, but he can't. Not anymore, and all he wants to do now is throttle his ass. He grabs him the shoulders, gets him to look him in the eye. "Listen to me you sonabitch, don't talk like that! I won't have it!"

Cas pushes the jerk off him. "It would've been for the better! I. Am. Worthless here. I don't know what to do! I feel as though I am burden, and the last thing you and Dean now is someone like me standing in your way to protect everything you hold dear!" Cas pushes himself up off the floor, and as soon as he does. He regrets it. His world back to spinning and he feels like he's going to fall all over again.

As pissed off as Sammy is at Cas right now, he's up on his feet to help balance Cas. Cas goes to push him off again but Sam is stead fast, holding on to Cas as tight as he possibly can. Sammy wonders if it's time to talk to him, really talk. To bring up a dark place that he swore that he would never go again. Dean doesn't even know, but Cas needs to. Sammy gets Cas to bed first. He needs to sleep this shit out first. Get him sober so he can see things a little clearer.

**TBC...**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Here it is kiddies! At long, long last the complete and finale chapter of "Reckless". Dear Chuck, between the plot bunnies seriously not cooperating with me and IRL... I thought I would never ever get this done but as they say never say never. I'd also like to say thank you for all the reviews, alerts and what nots. Come on big fandomly group hug! Oh, and fyi: if anyone is wondering the title came from the Papa Roach song with the same name because I love, love that song!

_**...So cut me off-throw me down**_

_**Cause I'm reckless, goddamn son of a bitch!**_

_**I'm reckless**_

_**So reckless**_

_**God save me from this madness**_**...**

-Song: Reckless, By: Papa Roach

**Chapter Five**

Dean is quiet on the way back from Virginia, a little too quiet for Bobby's liking. Hell, he doesn't even have his music blasting. Something is up and Bobby has a pretty good idea on what's on his mind right now.

Cas.

And he's right.

Dean hasn't stopped thinking about Cas since they left. He doesn't like to leave him even though Sammy is with him. Still, they all can't sit around and play baby sitter to a fallen Angel. There is a world to be saved, monsters to be hunted, and an Apocalypse to be stopped. He's even called several times, but hung up on each one figuring that it probably wasn't a good idea because he knew that somehow or another that he would wind up fighting with either Sam or Cas and that's something that this lot didn't need right now.

"I'm all ears if ya wanna talk 'bout it," Bobby offers.

Then Dean gives him that yeah right look because Dean Winchester isn't the one who feels like sharing his feelings and crying on someone's shoulder. It doesn't help. Bobby knows this but dammit if he doesn't push anyway.

"Maybe we're doin' this all wrong," continues the older hunter.

"What'cha getting at Bobby?"

"I'm jest sayin' the way we're handling Cas, it doesn't feel right to me."

"Yeah cos we're experts on fallen Angels," grunts Dean.

"Which is why I think we should bring in some help."

"Oh, and who would that be?"

Thats when Bobby casts him that look, and all ready Dean is hating it but his mind screaming it.

"Geez Dean-o, no need to yell."

"SHIT!"

Gabriel is sitting in the back, it's all a sudden and it throws Dean off which makes Dean go off the road just a bit.

"I didn't call you." Dean is glaring at him through the review mirror.

Gabriel crosses his arms and smirking. "It's really nice that I'm the first one to think of. Really. Touching."

"Fuck ya Gabriel!" spats Dean. He glares at Bobby because this is all his fault. He was the one who suggested it first.

Gabe puts up a hand. "All in good time," he promises with a wink which only earns him a darker glare from the Winchester from behind the wheel. "And really, no need to point fingers at Bobby. I can hear you a mile away."

This was one of the cons of having dicks on your shoulders. They can peek through your head without warning. That's one thing that Dean hasn't missed about Cas falling. He couldn't read him anymore.

"I might not be able to kill but dammit if I can't toss yer ass out!" Dean warns. He's so not in the mode for Gabriel's mouth. He wants answers. He wants to know how or even if they can save Cas. Dean doesn't want Cas to end up like he did in 2014.

"Is that anyway to treat someone who is trying to help you?"

"I don't need help!" Dean reminds him. "It's yer brother who does!"

Gabriel sighs. "Are you so sure he wants help?"

"What?"

"Look, don't you think if he would have wanted some angelic assistance he would've called?"

Dean laughs. "Ha!"

"Don't be so fast to laugh Dean, you just did."

"Perhaps it has something to do you asshats bein' dicks. Ever think 'bout that?"

"I'll agree with you there, but only on that detail." Gabriel states. Hey, he'll be the first to admit that he has a family of full out dougebags.

"Ya fucks abandoned him when he needed ya most!" Dean continues, his voice raising and his hands clutching even tighter on the wheel because its the only thing from keeping him from turning around to grip his hands around Gabriel's throat.

"You really think I wanted to abandon my brother, because I didn't." Gabriel declares. "It's not easy to find an Angel once they have fallen."

Dean rolls his eyes. "Ya could've guess he was with us!"

Gabriel just smiles at him. "Besides, he won't need my help. He's in good hands all ready."

"Whose?"

"Your brother." And as soon as he came, he's gone again.

Sammy doesn't have Cas at the house. He had to drag his ass out of bed. Dean and Bobby won't make it back for another few hours which is great. It will give him time. There actually on the road in one Bobby's back up vehicles.

Sammy turns up the radio when one of his old favorite songs comes on. "Oh yeah, life goes on. Long after the thrill of living is gone..."

"Oh God, Sam. No. Just no." Cas takes all his will power not to toss himself out of this car. Unlike his big brother Dean, Sammy can't sing at all. Can't carry a tune in a damn bucket, no matter how hard he tries.

Sam laughs. "You don't like my singing?"

"No." Cas can not lie after all even now. "You didn't get me out of bed to toucher me like this did you?"

"Tell me how you truly feel Cas. Geez." Sam says.

Cas groans. "I'm sorry, I have a head ache and you're not helping."

"Whose fault is that?" questions Sammy.

"Mine like everything else is these days."

"Don't do that," Sam warns him. "Don't play the blame game. You're not good at it."

"My apologizes. I haven't mastered it like you two." Cas is thinking of Dean. "However, who knows I might be an excellent player before too long."

Sammy is shaking his head. The sad thing is that if he remains this way, it's a possibility, and he thinks Dean is bad. Cas might win The Blame Game if given the chance. Sam won't let him.

A field familiar pond comes into view. Cas knows this pond like the back of his hand. It's the one that Dean often dreams about. It's located not too far from Bobby's. It's the same pond where Bobby took them fishing when they had time too. All though, Cas doubts Sammy brought him here to take him fishing.

Cas follows Sammy out of the beat up loaner. He figures it's better than getting dragged out.

"I guess you know this place uh?" Sammy asks as he settles himself down on the dock.

Cas gives a swift nod with his head. "You're not going to try to drown me are you?" He's only half way kidding.

"No Cas, I'm not going to drown you." Sammy assures him. "I've just brought you out here because we really haven't talked to you about any of it, on what you're going through."

"You don't have the time," Cas reminds him. "There are more bodies to worry about then this vessel of mine. I understand."

"No excuse, you know you're more to us than a vessel or an Angel right?" Sammy questions. "I know we might not say it a lot but you're our friend Cas. We don't like seeing you like this."

"I don't like it either," Cas confesses. "I don't know how to deal with all these things, you call emotions that are running through me."

"Those are hard to explain," Sam admits. He knows that for a fact. He's only had 20+ years of experience to go on. "Especially when you feel like you're alone."

Sam sounds like he knows what he's speaking of and this has Castiel's attention because even though Cas has Sam and Dean, it's not the same without family.

"I've been there you know, where you are." Sam whispers. It's been years but dammit if it doesn't feel like yesterday right now. "It was right after Jess," And still to this day it's hard for him to speak it because Dean doesn't know about this one. This happened in between times, when Sammy had to play the good boyfriend and linger on for the funeral. Dean was who knows where, and he was alone even though he was surrounded by friends and peers. It was a fire accident sure, that's what every one believed. When it came down to it, it was all Sammy's fault. Why couldn't he have sticked to the original plan and not fall for anyone?

"Samuel, you do not have to-" Cas says but Sammy goes on, as he always does.

"Yes, I do," continues Sam. "I've tried to kill myself before."

This shocks Cas because out of all people Sammy is the least one he would ever thought to do that. Well, before he found out he was Lucy's vessel. Then that subject dawned and Sammy was always suggesting it. Dean wasn't happy about and neither was Cas. As he went on, Cas could understand. Sam didn't finish. He could be through with it all.

"Dad was the one who found me. He was mad as Hell me to. Dammit, you would think he actually cared about me."

"Sam," Cas warns.

"What? All fathers care for their sons, is that it?" asks Sam. "Excuse me for being doubtful Cas, but we don't all have the faith that you have in your dad."

"Then why didn't you...?" Cas trails off.

"After beating the shit out of me, dad reminded me that I did have something to live for. I had friends. Family. He never told Dean."

"I assume you wish that I keep this between us." Cas motions between them.

"Yes, if you don't mind. I would appreciate it." Sam says with a small smile. "The reason why I'm telling you all this Cas, is the same reason dad talked sense, some sense anyway into me. You have reason to live all right. You're not some piss poor excuse of a body or waste you here me?" And Sammy can hear his own father's speech ringing in the back of head. "We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you Cas. We don't want to leave us like that ever again."

Sam is up and is back in Castiel's personal space. His eyes are dead locked on Cas' blue ones and for once Cas doesn't down cast. Damn Sam Winchester and those puppy dog eyes of his. Cas can fill them burning into him. If he has a soul, Sam found it because he can feel something that he hasn't felt for a long time.

It's forgiveness, love, all wrapped in one, and it scares him. It brings Cas to his knees and he starts to cry. Sammy takes him in his arms and holds him until he lets it all out.

"I'm sorry," he says over and over again.

It breaks Sammy's heart but he doesn't budge. He doesn't go anywhere.

In the distance, Gabriel is watching. Smiling at Sammy for a job well done. Yet, deep down, Gabriel wishes it had been him that Cas had called upon. That was the funny thing though: sometimes the least person you would expect to save you does.

**END**

**A/N: (continued): **I had to bring in Gabriel. Damn you, you Arch Angel you! I couldn't leave him out: TEAM FREE LOVE and all. :) Hope the ending is not too corny but I love corny happy endings! They make the world go round!


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